I looked in the mirror and I felt it.
The shame my body told me to believe.
I looked at this girl and saw her.
Not the body at first,
Then I let my gaze move from head to toe and I whispered,
“Hang on body; I”m coming for you too, Sis.”
See, “Sister Shame” had been lying to me for years.
Since I was a kid I felt shame; believing that I was not wanted; insignificant; unimportant; unloved.
I believed something was wrong with meeee because of how the treatment of me, made me feel.
Later, I felt Shame keep whispering to me all those unworthy thoughts and I found the best way to silence them was to stuff them down… literally… with food.
I quickly learned to eat my feelings.
Hurt? cupcakes, donuts, candy…
Fear? bags of chips, dips, ridiculous amounts of buttered popcorn…
Unwanted? all the thannngsss…all of them. Didn’t matter what. Just eat. Just stuff. Just numb. Just get that “feel good hit” to my brain as fast as possible.
And I carried it with me into adulthood.
Adult me did it too.
Rejection? stuff it
Unseen? Unknown? Unwanted? stuff it
Insignificant? Unimportant? Unloved? stuff it
Broken? Messy? Misunderstood? stuff it
Divorcing? Broken homes? Ruined Dreams? Disease? stuffffff itttt…
“Stuff it” because the SHAME was too personal.
It spoke loudly and pointed mean fingers and rallied troops to get in agreement with “her”.
And like I said, for years, I thought she was truth.
“Stuff it”. Maybe that should be the title of a book I write someday because I sure became an expert.
But enter this last season I’ve been in … the one that began an inner healing in ways I didn’t see coming.
I looked in the mirror again.
I didn’t feel Shame any longer.
I could look at her, the girl in the mirror, with kindness; with love; with compassion- for all she had been through; all she was so so brave through; all she had witnessed; felt spoken over her and had stuffed down.
I saw how her body had stored it, and honestly, still felt it now as real psychical pain;
and while it was still a good good body, operating as designed to try to rid itself of dis-ease,
it, “she”, was in crisis.
I spoke gently to her. “Shame has been chased off though, girl;
“She’s” gone… you’re free;
but hang on good body,
I’m coming for you and I’m bringing my Friend Jesus.”
He “despised the shame”.
He was carrying a cross. It was heavy.
But Hebrews 12 tells me, He despised the shame…
The shame that tried to point to His friends abandoning Him;
The shame that tried to get Him to worry about His reputation;
The shame that tried to rub His goodness in the indignity of it all; the degradation of it all; the mockery of it all…
Shame didn’t win though… He despised it… and carried that cross, with His eyes on the Joy set before Him.
WE were that Joy.
We ARE that Joy.
So, “SHAME off” us too.
Let’s walk in the FREEDOM we have because He endured that cross and despised the shame.
Do you have a “girl” to go after?
Do you see someone who stored up a lot of things in her good good body ?
Are you stilling hanging on to the lies of shame?
Maybe like me, you’ve learned to “stuff it down”.
Friend, Go after her. All of her… because there is JOY set before her too.